Year End

Year end sounds like a sale, right? This has been a year of ups and downs. My daughter married the love her life. My granddaughter married this year also. My god-daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Bentley. I received my passport. I didn't see a way to do that on my limited income but God made a way. My granddaughter, Schanae and I got the chance of a lifetime, a chance to go on a mission trip. I never thought I'd get to do that, even though it has been my desire since I was twelve. I had been so excited about the trip and had to believe for the money to come in. Then just a few weeks before we were to leave my youngest daughter and Schanae's mother died. I saw no way possible to go but God intervened and we were able to go. It was a healing thing for both of us. The hopelessness and poverty in a third world country will change your life forever. We were able to minister to so many people. We will go again this coming year. We will go to Panama this year. We will have to pray in the finances again this year but we know God can meet our needs.

This year has been a year of victory for me. I have grown so much in my Christian walk. There is just no way to put into words what God has done for me. I have learned so much in my journey to publication. I have all my friends I blog with to thank for that. In July I wasn't even sure what a blog was, now I post blogs three times a week and spend hours reading other blogs. I am starting to tweet and I just started my own author's page. I can spend hours reading my emails. I now have a kindle and can download everyone's books. Who new you could teach an old dog new tricks?

My grandson, Jeremy came home from work and said one of his friends was talking about the internet and he had said something about his grandmother being on the computer.(I use to work at McDonald's where he works) and his friends laughed. He told them that I was the one who was always on the computer and if they needed help just to call her. He told them she blogs, she tweets, and she talks to people all over the world. I thought that was cute.

This has been a great year. the only thing missing is publication but I do know I am much closer this year than I was last year. God is good and His mercy endures forever. Has this been a good year for you? What do you look forward to this coming year? God has told me it will be a year of intercession. I like that. I pray you all have a blessed and prosperous new year. I know I will.

One Step

I've managed to take one more step. I have finished my Book Proposal. Now for the first time ever I actually feel like an author. I had no idea how to go about making one but I think it's not bad for a first effort. I just hope that the publisher thinks so too.

I also started an author page. I know that is not a big deal for a lot of you but again I had no idea how to do that. I do hope you will all go to my author's page and click like. Really doesn't that sound kind of high school? Go to my page and like me, I mean really but I do need to be liked. So I would really appreciate it if you would help me. The social media thing is all about the numbers I have found and since I am new at all of this I just don't have the numbers needed to get published.

It is hard to convince a publisher from some huge city to take a chance on someone out in the middle of no where. The social media does help to level the playing field so thank you for all your help and guidance. Do you have any other suggestions? I can use all the help I can get.

HE CAME

He came! How awesome is that. We were lost with no hope.Through one man's sin we were cursed. We were destined to spiritual death, separation from God. A life of desperation.

BUT HE CAME!!!!!!!!!!!! He came as a helpless baby. Is there anything more fragile or helpless than an infant. Yet He came as one. He wasn't born as we were. He wasn't born to live He was born to die. Imagine, He came to die for you and for me. He loved us that much. He knew from the beginning of time that that was the only way. He knew what he would have to endure but He did it for us that we might live in Him. How glorious!

Every single book of the Bible talks about His coming. Every single book talks about His redemption and the plan of of Salvation. Salvation doesn't just mean we get to go to heaven. There is so much more to salvation than that. Yes it means a spiritual rebirth, most of us can agree to that. It means He will reign in our hearts. It also means healing. Not all of can agree with that. Many people believe that only Jesus could heal and it passed away when the disciples died. Did you all see The Passion Of Christ? Parts of it weren't shown because it was so graphic but there was no way to show what was really done to our Lord. The Bible says He was not recognizable as a man. His own mother wouldn't have recognized Him if she hadn't witnessed the whole thing. He took all those lashes for my healing, for yours. thirty-nine stripes. the problem with that count was that each lash was done with a whip that had countless strips of leather tied with broken glass and strips of metal. Each lash tore at his flesh and ripped away His flesh. He did that for my healing. How can I turn around and say it's not God's will to heal today when He did that for me? He became poor that I might become rich. That is what the Bible says. He gave up everything for me, EVERYTHING! If that isn't love what is?

HE CAME!! He came that I might be set free. GLORY!!!!  GLORY!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Merry Christmas

I hope that my post on Monday helped. I know that many are struggling with there finances this year. I have been attacked myself. Through an error I unknowingly made the devil wiped out my checking account but I laugh at the devil. He think he has won but I have the victory. He doesn't know it yet but this is going to be the best Christmas ever. He is a defeated foe! My Pastor has been giving this series for several weeks. You can watch or hear his teaching at ChristianLifeCenterNe.org I know it will be a great help to you all. It has been a real blessing to me.

I have finished my first book proposal.YEAH!!! I am going to print it off today and have my bff at the newspaper edit it for me to make sure there are no great errors. I really want it sent in so I can have it off my mind, give it to God, and enjoy my Christmas. Once I send it it is no longer my problem but God's.

Today I receive my social security check so I will get to go finish my Christmas shopping. I really hate to go this late. There are always such crowds and  people can be so rude. Kellie, my daughter and I will have a great time, even though neither of us like to shop.

We will have company on Christmas Eve. We have chili for supper and lots of snacks and goodies. We open gifts then. Sunday morning we will go to church and then we go to Kellie's mother-in-law, Rosie's. We will celebrate Christmas there. She lives in Sargent so it is a thirty minute drive. She is a wonderful cook and it is always a blessing to go there. We have had some loss this year so I pray all goes well.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas. God Bless You All. What are your plans this Christmas? Is your church having services? Will you be with family? 

Hope in a Hopeless Economy

It is almost to good to be true news but there is hope even in a time such as this. I want to share with you three Ps that will help you. 1. Plan - no plan means no plenty. 2. picture - if you can see it you can have it. "My people perish for lack vision. 3. Persevere - live with in your means.

If your output is larger than your input, your upkeep is your downfall! We should live by the 80% rule 10% goes to tithes, 10% goes to savings, and we live on 80%. If you can't live on the 80% you are living beyond your means. Luke 16:3 says No servant is able to serve two masters; for he will hate the one and love the other or he will stand by the one or despise the other. You can't serve God and mammon." (riches or anything that you trust and rely on)  Mammon was a Syrian god-the god of debt.

1. Debt takes a way personal freedom
2. Debt robs us of our options
3. Debt keeps us from serving God
4.Debt robs us from giving to God
5. Debt makes you say no to God

Proverbs 13:18 says "Poverty and shame come to him who refuses instruction and correction but he who heeds reproof is honored. Psalms 68:6 says God places the solitary in families. He leads the prisoners out  to prosperity."

I don' serve a god of debt, I serve The God of debt cancellation. God will make a way. He will lead us out of debt. God will give us wisdom, ideas, and witty inventions. If you have a need - sow a seed. You will never do anything about your debt until you get angry about it.

Nehemiah  5:11says "Restore no to them, even this day, their lands, their vineyards, their olive groves, and their houses, also a hundredth of the money and the grain, the new wine, and the oil, that you have charged them."
1. Keep good records
2. Plan your spending
3. Reduce debt (Start with your lowest bill, when that is paid off add that payment to the next and so on)
4. Pay tithes
5. Always give God your best above the tithe

Psalms 66:12 "You brought us out to a wealthy place. (Abundance)

I hope this teaching blesses you as much as it does me. How are you doing this year? Have you realized how important it is to get out of debt? Debt is just the devils way of counterfeiting God's blessings.

Joy

Today is a day of joy! I am going to North Platte today to pick up my grandson. Cade is special to me because his mother was very ill after he was born and I was his basic care giver for his first two and a half years. He is like my own son in many ways. He is seven and a half years old and a real blessing when he comes.

My daughter went home to live with Jesus last May. Cade lives with his dad in North Platte so I don't get to see him as often as I like. This is really a blessing today because my sixteen year old granddaughter lost my phone. I didn't have Russ' (Cade's dad) phone number. I had my prayer group pray with me that Russ would call me.(He has never done that before) Praise God he called and ask me if I would like to have Cade this week end so we could have our Christmas with him.
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Kellie and I will leave at three and meet his dad at four thirty. Kellie will drive home as I hate to drive after dark. We will eat out.(where ever Cade wants to eat) and hopefully get home before it is too late. Tomorrow we will put up our tree, decorate it, bake cookies, and go see Christmas lights. I am so excited. He has always been such a blessing to me.

Well I hope you have a joyful day planned to. God is so good. All the time. Blessing to you all

A Day Off

Today is my Birthday. I am 66 years old. Now is a good time for the old adage:  if I knew I would live so long I would have taken better care of myself. Any way I decided I am taking the day off. God bless you all.

Christmas Music

Yesterday my granddaughter told me she was tired of Christmas music. Did we have to listen to now? She is sixteen and has a Christmas program on Thursday. "That all I hear and all I think about." Schanae shared. So we watched Christmas movies instead. My best friend came over. She doesn't have cable or satellite and she wanted to see The Heart of Christmas. We watched movies four six hours and Schanae never said a word.
 Her idea of Christmas music is different than mine. She sings the generic holiday stuff. (Her words not mine)             

I woke up in the middle of the night to Mary Did You Know running through my head. I laid there for hours trying to remember the exact words. I love old song but I love the new contemporary ones too. I love to have all the world praising Jesus, giving glory to God. I know that some of the radio stations are playing Silver Bells, Jingle Bells, or Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer. (I find that frightening) Every once in a while they will slip in a song that is meaningful simply because it is a well known artist. My radio station, My
Bridge is so awesome the play the best of faith filled contemporary Christmas music, there is little talking, and no commercials. Just wonderful.

This is the only time of the year when everyone is singing about Christ our Lord. There are people who don't like it but when they hear the songs they still can sing alone because it is in them down deep. This year with all it's trials it seems to be even more of a blessing. Santa songs don't help much when you don't have a home, a job, but you do have a family to care for and no idea how to do it. Jesus is the reason for the season and the hope for us all.

How about you? Do you get tired of the Christmas Music? Do you know the true meaning of Christmas? Do you share it with the homeless and the hopeless? Can you help others to show them God Love? If you struggle with depression (I know a lot of people do) go out and find someone who has less than you do and help them. It works every time.

Time

How can time be so out of control? Is it only me or is it flying by at warp speed. I turn around and days have gone by. I can't believe it is not only December but it is almost half way over. That is frightening to me because I
I have a birthday coming up next week.

How can I possibly be another year older? Did anyone see Tangled? The evil mother has a line that comes to mind to me at this time. "It can't be your birthday, I distinctly remember you had one last year." It is too bad that doesn't count.  At sixty-six I should just be glad I am alive and healthy.

Tomorrow we will have our Christmas Tea. Next week my grandson Cade is coming to stay a few days so we can have Christmas with him. (You remember my daughter Amie went to heaven last May so he lives with his dad) I am excited to spend time with him we have always been close. He is now seven and one half. That one half is important at his age.

As a single mother raising four children alone Christmas was a hard time for me. That birthday made it that much more difficult for me to handle. Each year you know you are that much less attractive and odds of finding someone to care about getting worse every day. Now it is not so important.

Christmas is still hard for me. My daughter and her husband are very happy together but I am still alone.
God is my Husband but there are times when that seems like not quite enough.  After my birthday I will do
much better.

How about you? Are they holidays hard on you? Do you get bogged down? Are you alone like me?

Christmas Movies

I do need to tell you that our Heaven is for real event was awesome. We will probably never know all the lives that were touched but it was wonderful.

Now I want to share some things about the movies I saw this weekend.  After this last week I was terribly run down and was hit with some kind of virus, so I spent Saturday and Sunday reclined in my chair. I did little more than watch TV. Between the Hallmark channel, Hallmark Movie channel, and GMC I watched a lot of them.
One i really like was Christmas with a Capital C.  It was about a man who returned to his hometown and decided to run for mayor so he could get rid of the town nativity.  I thank God that I live in a town that does have a nativity that sits in the town square. There was a time when they tried to take it from us but thank God we still have it. The movie was very well done.  I love it when faith in God is shown in such a positive way.

The Heart of Christmas was another movie that really touched me. A story of a family with a terminally ill child and a town that bans together to help the family and how it changes the lives of those people.  November Christmas was another film with this theme, they both touched me.

The Ultimate Gift is another one of my favorites. A Christmas Wish was excellent too.  All in all I had a great weekend. I hate being ill but I did enjoy the rest. I thank God for movies about Christmas that are not just some story about Santa.  We all need more love in our lives and I praise God that others realize that too.

What about you? What are your favorite movies?

Heaven is for Real

Well tomorrow is our big day. We have been preparing for months for this. We are a small church of an average of fifty people. Tomorrow night we are expecting around six hundred.  Todd Burpo is a New York Best Seller and has been on some of the big name shows on TV, including Today, Good Morning America, The Early Show, 700 Club, Praise the Lord, Fox news, Marlyn Hickey, and all kinds of talk shows.

His PR people say that thousand have shown up for his meetings. To deal with the crowds we will be having two services; one a 6 pm and one at 8 pm. Everyone that attends the church is involved in the meetings; greeters ushers, video workers, sound systems workers, computer programmers, ect.  We will start working at four and will be there until well after midnight.

My granddaughter and I took cookies and candy to all our neighborhood with invitations to come.  We really want people to be saved.  We live in a huge county. A poll shows that over six thousand people in our county that do not attend any church. We have claimed thousand six thousand souls.  For tomorrow we claim two hundred souls.  We have sown for that number, we have prayed for that number, and we believe for that number.  God's heart is for the lost and I know he is pleased that we are reaching out to the lost.

This year has been a year of miracles for our church.  We had been told that we couldn't update anything in the church because of the electric capacity. We needed a new heating/ac system, needed video capabilities, ect. It was going to cost us a huge amount of money to get our electricity upgraded. It was impossible.  No way!

This year the city changed their electric cables that ran right by our church.  We were offered to upgrade our electric capacity for practically nothing.  It was a miracle.  We were able to get a new air conditioner/heating system. It is up and running.  We now have large screen TV in every room at the church.  We have a new web site where you can watch our services on video and we have hits from all over the world.  We were able to have our very first Mission Conference this fall.  We have just been able to replace our women tiny little bathroom for a new three stall bathroom that is simply beautiful.  It has been a glorious year and it is not over yet.

Tomorrow night will be another chance for God's glory to fill our sanctuary.  We are expecting miracles and expectation is the breeding ground for miracles.  I am expecting great things. His story is awesome.

What is God doing in your life? Do you expect great things?  Are you putting God in a box and not able to believe He can do anything to help you?  Please God deliver us from small thinking.

A Day of Highs and Lows.

My journey to publication took on several highs and lows today. I was on Seekerville and saw where Ramona
Richards was there guest speaker. I enjoyed her post very much.  In her post she offered to receive query letters from unpublished authors.  I was thrilled. I prepared three queries on my manuscripts and sent them in. A serious high.

I drove to town to find a copy of "Heaven is for Real" to give to a new acquaintance to invite her to our event at our church. (Todd Burpo is speaking Friday night) Could I find that book in town anywhere? (We no longer have a book store here) No! A serious low! I did give her an invitation though. I went to our community college to see if I could find out about any on-line creative writing classes and about any grants.
Was there anything I could take? No! Any classes on police work, forensics, or criminal justice? No! Serious low!

I had an email from Ramona when I returned. I received a rejection for my first book. it was 25,000 words to short. A serious low. It was my testimony. I received a notice that I had won a free book from Victoria Burks. A serious high, I love her books. I received another email from Ramona. She liked Little Girl Taken but she already has several books on human trafficking about to be released. Serious Low!  She did tell me to send a query next year if I hadn't found a publisher. (That good right?)  Her next email said she really liked my "Hidden Memories" but it was about 15,000 words to short. Would I consider expanding it? Serious high!  Would I send a book proposal? Serious low! I have no idea how to write a proposal!  I will write one though. I can assure you I will learn how to do that and quickly.

So my journey has been eventful today. How has your journey gone today?  I had asked God to use me and guide me. I'm not sure I did what I was suppose to. It sure didn't go the way I thought if would. My journey continues.

Black Friday

Well, Thanksgiving flew by and today is that infamous day after.  I went to bed early after pigging out and am now wide awake at 2am.  It suddenly dawned on me that people all over the nation  were up on purpose so they could grab that one much desired item that they or one of their friends or family just had to have and at a much discounted price.

Today people will show each other that we might be made in God's image but that we are still basically still animals at heart.  I hope that Christian do not go out there and run people over in malls, rip items out of the hands of fellow shoppers, and violently abuse other shoppers.  I have seen all kinds of horrors about the Black Friday crowd.  God help us, how can we become so uncivilized all over 25% off?

I plan to decorate my home today.  I won't go shopping unless there is something I have need of at that moment. When I am through with my decorating I will curl up with a good book and thank God for the safty and security of my own home.

Do you go wild on Black Friday?  Do you lose your Christianity when you are out there fighting with the crowds? 

Thanksgiving

I can't let this the best holiday of the year, to go by without comment. I won't be posting on Wednesday as it is my day of baking and preparation. So here is why this is the greatest holiday of the year.

All of the other holidays are about us. What we give, what we get, what we feel, but Thanksgiving is all about giving back to God. He does so many awesome things in our lives.  Some people give their tighes and can't understand why God is not blessing them financially. Stand back and look what God has done in your life.  Each day you wake up and get out of bed is a huge blessing. I look back in the past year or so and we have had some tremendous struggles. My thirty four year old daughter and my two month old great-granddaughter went home to be with Jesus. Yet through that God gave us grace and comfort in a way I never dreamed possible.

What we say? I am sixty-five years old, I don't take any meds, I am strong and healthy, my mind is still functioning the way it is suppose to. I am blessed. I may not have some of the toys that seem to be so important to other but my life is wonderful all I can do or say is thank you Lord for Your graciousness.

We have a home, cars, computers, and all the necessities of life.  My  children are all strong and healthy. They are prospering as are my eleven beautiful and healthy grandchildren and my four wonderful great-grandchildren.  I am so truly blessed.

Please take sometime to thank God for what he has done for you.

As I am writing this I am watching James Robertson. He has a man on his show named Dallas Weins. In 2008 he was electrocuted and had no face. He has undergone through twenty seven surgeries but now has a face transplant.  He had no eyes, no nose, and no teeth. He just had a blob that looked like a tumor with a slash for a mouth. He now has a face but he had never given up or wanted to end it.  He was there to just praise the Lord. No matter how bad things look, there is always some one who is worse off.

Let's just praise God and thank Him for what he has done in your life and the lives of your family.

A letter to my teenage self

I love to blog and I spend several hours a day on different blogs. So what is the deal about writing to your teenage self. It is every where.  I am not sure I understand the concept.  I would not go back to my teens ever again if that was possible nor would I share what is coming down the road. I would scare myself to death, literally.

I have made many grave mistakes but they have made who I am today. I would not advise myself to do anything differently. God has a plan for each of us. What road we take is a mystery to all of us but God knows exactly what we need in this life to get us to where we need to be.

I have lived through a life of mental abuse, physical abuse, divorce, depression, illness, and loss. I have raised four children alone and have remained single the last forty years. How do I warn myself to these things? Gdo has been good to me. He has been with me all these long, sometimes lonely, years. He has held my hands at times and He has lifted me up and carried me at others. God is good and His mercy endures forever. I have come to trust Him in ways other human beings have no concept of. He has been my Husband, my Comforter, my Healer, my Provider, my Lover, and my all in all.

Would you tell yourself to change things in your life? Would you share what has been going on in your life?

One seed

Today I want to talk about John 4:35; "say not ye, there are yet four months and then comes the harvest. Behold, I say unto you, lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest.


This is the story of Jesus talking to the Samaritan woman. Jesus' encounter with this was was life changing. He spent a significant amount of time talking to her about her personal life, answering her questions, and treating her with a level of respect and dignity she had rarely known. It was the first seed Jesus ever sowed into the heart of a Samaritan. The woman was so moved by His compassion that when she returned to her village, she told the people, "Come see a man, which told me all things that ever I did; is not this the Christ?" John 4: 29.

Because of this seed sown, the whole town came out to see Jesus. They asked Him to stay with them and He stayed with them two days and many believed in Him. All because Jesus took the time to talk to one little woman, an outcast. No one is so bad that God doesn't want to reach them. You never know who that one person you talk to might be.

One Sunday school teacher changed the whole world because she sowed seeds into Billy Grahams life. What kind of a reward will she reap?  What about the person who talked to Oral Roberts, Kenneth Hagen, or any number of great men of God? We never know who we are witnessing to. Our testimony is our seed and we need to touch people, to plant that seed.  We may not have the finances to go out on mission trips or to send to people who are all ready out there but a single would can touch the life of one person and change the whole world.

Do you share your testimony with others? Do you reach out to the undesirable? Can you make a difference?

Nebraska Game

Saturday was the Nebraska, Penn State ball game. I'm sure there are a lot of you who don't follow football but to me it was a great game. I'm sure every one has heard of the controversy at Penn State.  I posted how awesome it was to see my team and Penn State on their knees and I received a few negative posts. This is my thoughts and feeling about the whole event.

My prayer team at my church pray for the hidden evils in our world to be brought to the light. This I feel is one of those cases. The sexual abuse of these children has been going on for awhile but God brought it to light. I feel for those children and their families. I know what it feels like to have a child sexually abused. It is something you never really get over but God can heal them and turn their lives around.  Not only can God heal those children and their families but it is His desire that is why we have the need to pray for them.

Our coach, Bo Polini suggested that because of all the rioting that maybe Nebraskan shouldn't attend this game. Of course that wasn't going to happen but the rioting did end with the kids becoming more concerned with the events that actually took place.

Ron Brown, one of our coaches, said today on My Bridge Radio that he felt a need to pray for the school and for the kids and their families. One of the coaches from Penn State wanted to pray so they decided to take it public on the fifty yard line. They received permission from the head coaches and both team went out and prayed at the four minute mark.

Three of the four news commentators are Christians and made sure there were cameras  down on the field to catch the event. Coach Brown said that there was a reason that Nebraska was the team to play them after such a trauma to the school.  We were there for such a time as this. How awesome it was to watch both teams kneel together and pray, not once but twice. They prayed before the game but they prayed after the game too. We won the game but just barely but that was not the important thing. I was so thrilled with how my team handled the whole thing.

We live in a time when our own president says we are not a Christian country and does everything in his power to prove that. I live in a Christian Nation and I see people every day doing wonderful things to show the world that we do truly love the Lord our God and we will not be defeated. Nebraska's team is not perfect and we have struggled in this our first year in the Big Ten but we are doing some great things and it is more than just football.

Veteran's Day

I just want to share my views of Veteran's Day.

I come from a military family.  My father, along with several of my mother's first cousins, joined the Army during World War II.  They served in Italy and other parts of the world that they would not talk about.  They was involved in the Korean War and Viet Nam. One of my cousins was a Green Beret in Viet Nam.  Dad was a career man, when the Air Force broke off from the Army my dad went with them.  He served faithfully for thirty years.  He was promoted to the highest rank available to him.

I have two brothers who were in the military.  My oldest brother Glenn joined the navy after his first year of college.  He made such high scores on his testing that they sent him to Purdue University.  He retired after twenty years as a Lt. Commander.  My youngest brother joined the National Guards while he was in college.  After college he quit the Army and went into the Navy.  He became a medic and served the Marines during Desert Storm.  He is now retired also.

My husband was in the Air Force and he served in Viet Nam.  He lost a lot of dear friends and comrades over there.  He was in the military police and was in the thick of things.

My son, Michael joined the Air Force at the age of seventeen.  It was the desire of his heart to join the Air Force.  He was in the Special Forces.  He served in Turkey, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Iran.  He served on numerous tours.  He would still be over there if he hadn't contacted a cancerous tumor in his eye.  The radiation they treated it with caused him to lose the eyesight in that eye.  They forced him to retire early with a medical discharge.

My grandson, Michael McAlevy is in the Marines and is currently in Afghanistan at this moment.  You can see his picture on my facebook page.  I am very proud of the men in my family.  Our country is very important to all of us.  My family has fought for our religious freedoms and I pray for this nation daily.  I didn't get to serve but I stayed at home and kept my children safe but i do pray that I can do.  That is my job.
I pray for my President every day.  I don't (or try not to) say anything negative about him.  I pray that he renounces Islam and has a true Damascus Road Experience and is truly born again.

I love my country.  God chose Israel as His people.  He has led them through endless trials and tribulations but my country is the only nation ever that was founded on God's principles.  He chose them but we chose Him.  We formed a country so that we could love Him and serve Him no one else ever did that.  He has promised to remember that.  We have done a lot wrong and we have given power over to the wrong people but we are taking it back.  There are more people serving God today that ever before and we will make a difference. 

What do you think about our country?  Is there hope? Can we take it back?

Hidden Memories

I wrote about my fist book that was more or less my testimony with a happily ever after end.  My life has been a happy one I just never had the opportunity to remarry and start over. I did have a few proposals just not from a man of God. I am still waiting for God to Bring that man into my life. I think there can still be romance even after age sixty five.


My second book is about a woman who had been badly abused. Her final straw had been the loss of her unborn child. She received help from a center for abused women and children.  She though she had found a wonderful place to hide, Central Nebraska.  Who would look for her there?

Jeanie witnesses a murder when she was out running in a small wooded area.  She does what she has become so good at, she runs. She catches her foot on a root and falls receiving a severe head injury. The trauma to her brain causes memory loss but the killer doesn't believe her.

The county sheriff does everything in his power to keep her safe and find the killer. The story makes national news. Now she has two killers on her back, one she knows and one she can't remember.  Can Sheriff Michael Brown keep her safe?  Can he find the killers before they find Jeanie? Can he keep his heart safe from this intriguing woman or is God drawing them together?

I hope that someday you will all get to read it. I loved this story so much I had to write a third story bringing two of my characters together. I just fell in love with them.

Monday

Monday, a new day a new week a new chance to go with God.  We are preparing to have a big event in our church.  It is on December 2.  We are having Todd Burpo speak.  There will be two services on at 6pm and one at 8:30pm.  We have a small church, we average about forty of fifty people an Sunday.  Most of his appearance bring out about 6,500 people.  We are planning to have around 600 people show up so that is why we are having two services.  Seating will be limited and parking will be an issue.  So the church is all trying to prepare for this event.

For those of you who are not familiar with Todd Burpo.  He is the author of "Heaven is For Real".  His son had a near death experience and was taken up to heaven.  The book is his story.  Todd's book is on the New York Bestsellers list and has been for several weeks.  He is in great demand as a speaker and it was only by the grace of God we were able to have him here.

The pastor was announcing the event yesterday in church and he said this was the first time a best selling author would appear in our church.  Then he looked at me and said but it won't be the last.  What a thrill that was to me.  Just a few months ago he was trying to get me to write something other than fiction.  We have all come a long way.

This event has been a real learning experience and a real growth for the entire church.  We will be struggling with the plans for the next several weeks but we know God is in it.  God's heart is for the lost and we are praying for at least 200 souls through this event. A census shows there are over 6000 unchurched souls in Custer county so it is our desire to reach these people.  It is God's desire that non shall be lost, no not one.

How about your church?  Do you have a heart for the lost?  It's a new day, a new week, a new start.  Let's go out and win the lost!

Blogging

This morning I was awakened early.  I couldn't get back to sleep so I went through my devotions and prayers. I finished early and have been on line ever since.

The posts that I have read today have been a great source of encouragement.  I hope that someday I will be published and be able to help others with wisdom and encouragement.  You don't know how much your posts have meant to me.

I have only been reading blogs and emails since July when I met two wonderful published authors. I had about given up on writing because I didn't know where to go from there.  They gave me names and email address.  They encourage me to keep going, to learn and to grow.  Thank you Marti Pieper and Jennie B. Jones.

I really have learned a lot and really are awed by you all.  I can't thank you enough.

courageous

I went to see the movie "Courageous" last night.  What a wonderful movie.  I have watched all of the Sherwood productions.  "Flywheel" was there first movie and was produce on a shoestring.  The story was wonderful.  The acting not so great but the story touched your heart.  "Facing the Giants" was wonderful.  "Fireproof" has healed an unimaginable amount of marriages. This last one deals with fatherhood. It is a timely movie. We have so many single parent families.  A father is so important to the lives of children.  There is no way a woman can fill that place.  I know because I raised four fatherless children.  Although my children are grown there is still an emptiness that has been present their whole life.

I was pregnant with my second child when my husband ran off.  That fall I had twins so now I had three kids under two.  With very little help I did the best I could.  Eight years later I gave birth to my last child. Her father refused to be a part of her life also.  My children did everything they could to make a father proud but didn't have one to please.  They still have problems.

Men need to stand up and be men.  The four men in the movie chose to find out what the Bible says about what being a father was really all about.  They chose to make a resolution to be the best fathers they could be.

My generation did so much damage to manhood.  We lifted women up to the point that we have almost destroyed men. How tragic is that? Women can be women but there is still a need for a man to be a man.
Women want men to stand up and be the head of their family or their homes.  It's the way God created us.
I want that kind of a man. I use to think that after being badly abused the last thing I wanted in my life was a man, but after seeing that movie I came out with the thought I'd really like one of those. (A true  man of God)
there is nothing as appealing as a man who loves God. I just have to say!

Go see the movie it is awesome. I loved it.  Have you seen it?  Don't you just love what that church can do?
Who knew a church could make movies!

Halloween

Today is Halloween and I am so glad it is almost over. I hate giving the devil any credit at all and this whole holiday is just that. It glorifies the evil in this world. Most people don't believe there is a devil but they will let the precious babies dress up to be him. How lame is that? He has come into this world to kill, steal, and destroy, why would anyone glorify that? Jesus came to give us life and that more abundantly. We need to be celebrating that not someone who is trying to destroy our kids, our marriages, and our homes.  No wonder this world is going down the tubes. Kids can celebrate Halloween, talk about the devil and witches, dress like them but can't mention the name of Jesus without being thrown out.  What has our world come to?  When are we going to stand up and be the men and women of God He created us to be?  We were created to love God. Our nation was created to worship God.  God created Israel to be His people. He just wanted them to love Him but our nation came to existence so that we could worship Him. That is all the people who first came to our world wanted.  A place they could worship God and honor Him. How glorious that was and God will never forget that but we have. We need to get back to our roots.  We need to worship Him and bring Him back to our schools, back to our courts, and back to our government.

Glory to God! I will worship Him with all of my might and with all of my being! He is the Lord of all!  Thank you Father for loving me so much you sent your Son to die for me.  Thank you Jesus for loving me so much you died for me. Thank you Holy Spirit for loving me so much that You came to be my leader, my teacher, mu helper, my guide, and my comforter. I just want to praise you for all you have done for me. Glory! Glory!
Glory!

What about you? Choose today who you will serve life or death?  Choose life!

Sex and Money

 I have been talking about grace and I will return to it again but yesterday I was watching the 700 club and they touched my heart. My last book is about the terrible problem of Human Trafficking in the US.  My heart was broken by this problem. I was heart broken because I didn't have anything to give to this cause. God told me to write a book about it to bring the problem to the forefront. Yesterday they had a group who have a made a documentary on this problem. I want to share some of that information with you. It is a passion in my heart.

A new documentary on human trafficking shows it's a more serious problem inside the US than people realize. The film entitled Sex and Money produced by a group of young Christian filmmakers focuses on the dangers of pornography which fuels this modern day tragedy.

The goal behind this film is to let ordinary Americans know that trafficking exists in their everyday world and it targets their young sons and daughters. "I thought I was the only 12 year old. I was told to lie and say I was 16 to anyone that asked." one young victim recalls in the film. "I was 14 and he took me to California." another victim says.

Young children are supposed to be at home at this age in a loving, comforting, environment. Instead they're with pimps and johns in dangerous places where they are raped, abused, and forced to do inconceivable acts. 

Filmmakers covered the country from cities and suburb areas. They talk to experts, former pimps who sold their victims to whomever would buy. Now the group is on the road again screening the documentary in churches and on college campuses.  "When people see this film they get really upset about this issue and a lot of times with education comes motivation to do something."  Morgan Perry, co-producer says.

 Perry said the film has led one physician to train other doctors how to spot victims. One flight attendant also began an awareness campaign for her peers.

The production has also opened new conversations and ministry times in churches where they've shown it.

"I've had women come up to me, countless people, saying, 'I've been raped, sexually abused, addicted to porn and masterbation for X number of years," co-producer Sarah-Jo Sampson said.

"And I'm just realizing -- this is such a reality -- how much guilt and shame people are carrying for what's been done to them," she said.

This experience has also impacted the producers themselves.

When their research showed that different media often drives a person to buy sex, they realized the need to catch the attention of this iPod-driven generation.

"I think our generation has a choice with whether we're going to be contributing to the problem or whether we're going to be doing something positive to help the situation," co-producer Tim Dyk said.

 

Get involved are children are the most important thing in the world.

Related Links:

Sex and Money: A national search for human worth

Take action - get involved - End slavery now

Grace Grace Marvelous Grace

Romans 5:2 'says we have access into this grace' Grace is bigger than any sin. Romans 5:20 says 'where sin abounds grace abounds much more'. Romans 6:1 grace gives us power to not sin' Grace is there to cover any failures of mankind. Grace is not a word but it is a lifestyle.

How can you know when you are out of the circle of grace? Is there condemnation, are you comparing your self to others, are you confused, is it a real labor, or are you callous? If you are struggling you are not in the circle of  grace

We live by faith but we live in grace. It takes faith to stay in the circle of faith.  In that circle of grace you will find confidence courage and creativity.  Faith and grace are the power twins. They go together.

I don't know about you but is very important for me to stay in that circle of grace. Without grace I can do nothing. I want to be able to do all that God has called me to do.  Creativity is so important to that call.  Being in grace opens the door to hear God's voice and to see where He is leading me.  How about you? Are you standing in the circle of grace? Are you comparing yourself with the other writers out there? Are you hearing God directions to you?

Grace

I am still going to talk about Grace.  It is only by grace that we have any faith at all.  Romans 12:6  'Having then gifts  differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them.'  God has given us all a gift of grace and because of that grace he has given us gifts to minister to the world.  There have been times when I wasn't sure what exactly my gifts were. How about you?  Do you know what your gifts are? Do you know how to use those gifts?

I do know I have the gift of helps. I absolutely love to help people. I had the honor of caring for my mother when she was unable to care for herself after my father died. She had Alzheimer's and in the last years knew nothing.  I have worked as a nurse's aide in the rest homes. I worked with the mentally retarded here in town and I have worked in food service.  I love working in the church and I am active in the mission ministry of my church. I recently went on a mission's trip to Ecuador and plan to go to Panama this coming year. I have ministered on the worship team, the sound board, and the computer to words of music on our screens. I love to decorate the church.   I am on two prayer teams. I just love to help.

I recently told you my testimony. It was only God's grace that helped me through it. Now it is God's grace that drives me to share that grace and love to the world.  It is now my honor to share what God can do in a fiction setting. I am thrilled He has called me to write for Him.  Whether anyone ever reads my books or not, it has been an honor to share the stories God has given me. I give God all the glory and all the honor.

How have you experienced God's grace?  What gifts have you been given?  How can you make a difference?

Circle of grace

Our pastor defines grace as God's willingness to get involved in my mess. I love that definition.  I need God to get involved in my mess. I can't do it alone, I know that I have tried to do it on my own and always fail miserably.Gace is used approximately 170 times in  the New Testament so it must be important, right? James 4:6
But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Grace is getting what we don't deserve.Romans 12:3 For I say, through the grace given to me to everyone who is among you, not to think more highly of yourselves than you ought, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to us each the measure of faith. It is only by grace that we have any faith at all. Romans 4:6 says Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them;

I could go on and on but faith positions us to receive what grace has called us to do. This teaching has really spoke to me because I realize that I have been messing up. I have been praying for certain things and I believed I had the faith to receive them but they haven't come to pass. I would get on my knees and ask what I was doing wrong? Where have I missed it? I was confessing, I was believing, and I was doing everything I knew to do. What was going on?

Suddenly I saw that I was not trusting in God to do what I had prayed for, I was trying to work my way into God's grace. His grace was already there. I don't have to earn it, it is already mine. God forgive me, I was trying to it all my own way. God is good and I thank Him for what He is doing in my life. I really want to thank Him for forgiving me for when I blow it. I now see I already have what I need to do what God has called me to do and He will take care of everything else.

Do you try to make things happen in your walk with God? Do you truly trust Him to do that which is needed in your life? 

The final chapter

Hopefully it won't be the total final chapter but it is to this point.  Thirty four years ago (almost thirty five) I became truly born again but it was different this time. I received the Holy Spirit this time. It gave me power to live a righteous life. I fell in love with Jesus and couldn't get enough of his Word. My family was in church every time the doors were open. There is not enough time or paper to tell all of the amazing miracles God has done in my life and in my family.

God has blessed me with the greatest church and church family in the world. My pastor is the best on in the world.  He and his wife are wonderful people and since this is Pastor Appreciation Month I will tell you I really appreciate them. He has helped all of stretch and grow these last three years. I have reached a new level in Christ Jesus I never thought I would reach.

Two of my children are not serving the Lord right now but I know that will change. I am very proud of my children and God has blessed me with them.  Amie is no longer with us as she went home to be with Jesus in May but I am still proud of her.  My oldest daughter is a manager in Runza. I'm sure many of you have never heard of Runza. It is a Nebraska fast food restaurant. She and her husband have two boys that live and work in Grand Island. She also raises Amie's daughter who is only sixteen.  My son(one of the twins) was in the Air Force Special Forces. He spent many tours in the middle east but is now retired. He is a deputy sheriff in Cheyenne Wyoming. He and his wife have a fifteen year old son.  He is a tremendous athlete and I am very proud of him. My middle daughter(one of the twins) is a registered Nurse and works in the York Women prison and is studying to be a PA. She and her husband have two children. Her son is a Marine and is in Afghanistan.  Her daughter is married and lives in Henderson NE. She has had two children. Her son is two and a half, her daughter Kaylee went to live with Jesus last summer at two months old. Amie's husband lives in Hastings. Her seven year old son lives with his dad. I am truly blessed.

God has truly blessed me.  Isaiah 54:5 For my Maker is my husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; my Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. God is my husband and He has been so good to me. He has never once abused me in any way. Whether or not I ever marry is up to God but I am content and happy. I do hope to one day be a published author. God has put that desire into my heart but it is all up to Him and His timing.

Thank you for enduring my testimony I hope it helped at least one of those who visited. If it did it was worth all the pain. What has God done in your life?  If you woke up tomorrow with only the things you have thanked God for what would you have left?

The story continues

Amie, my youngest child was born in 1976. I wanted to name her Liberty but my folks threw a fit so she became Amie. Amie means dearly beloved and she was. My kids didn't ask questions they just told everyone she was a gift of God. She weighed five pounds and nine ounces, a tiny little thing. At four weeks she only weighed six and a half pounds and she began to lose weight instead of gain. I was nursing her and my doctor told me I was nervous and upset and that was why she wasn't gaining so I began pumping and feeding her from a bottle but it didn't help. She started screaming all the time. The cry was one of pain and I didn't know what to do to help her. I stopped giving her my milk and gave her formula but that was worse. she began throwing up all the time. They put her on soy but that didn't work. Goat's milk was worse.
I walked the floor day and night. In those days there wasn't twenty four hour TV. The first program on every day was a Christian station it was also the last one on each day. I couldn't wait each morning until it came on.

At six weeks she was down to her birth weight. The doctor sent me to Kearney to see a pediatrician. Dr. Schafer found that I had a very sick baby and I wasn't given much hope. She had a large hole in her heart, a serious kidney disorder, a bone disorder, and the problem causing all the pain was she didn't have a valve in her stomach. Without the valve the milk was coming into her esophagus causing severe ulceration. The doctor told me she would have to have several major surgeries.

I didn't know what to do. I was down in Kearney all by myself and I was so overwhelmed. I finally decided to call the TV program. I didn't know anything about healing but they talked about it all the time. The lady that answered was so sweet. She listened intently and finally asked me how I wanted her to pray. What could I believe God for? I told her I could believe not having surgery so she prayed that way.

About an hour later the doctor told me they were going to try to build her up before they did surgery. They wanted her to sit up at all times and cereal in her formula to thicken it so it will stay in her stomach. They would wait until she was six months old unless there was an emergency.

My dad took me to a special speaker at a Full Gospel Business Meeting. This speaker was suppose to be able to lay hands on the sick and they are healed. I went with him and he prayed for us. When we went for her next check up the hole in her heart had become a small murmur.  She had gained some weight but was much to small. He sent us home but we were to come back at six months. I started going to a church that prayed for the sick.

When she was six months old I went to another Full Gospel Business Meeting. The speaker was a man from California. His name was Wild Bill Monteaf. I had never seen a man like this. He pointed to me and told me to come forward. He told me that God told him that I was concerned about my baby being born out of wedlock but God said He was here Father and just like Jephthah a son of a harlot saved his whole family so will this child save her family. Through this child your whole family will be saved. Then he laid hands on her and prayed for her.

I wish I could tell you that she was totally healed at that moment but God did touch her and me. I found out that God truly does love us no matter what are sins have been in the past. He filled me with the Holy Spirit and I have never been the same. Amie had tubes in her ears when she was one. She only weighed eighteen
pounds a wore six month clothes but after much prayer she began to grow. The bones in her skull were still as that of a newborn but after another three month she started to grow and the bones began to close up.

Amie was nine months old when they finally allowed her to lay flat. It was a long time for her to be able to sit and then crawl because of being unable to do these things she was really behind in speech and hand and eye coordination. She didn't walk until she was three and was unable to talk until then.

God was good to us. We learned of His wonders and His grace. My parents were saved because of what happened to her. My other three children were saved and the prophecy came true. Amie was a true blessing for me. I began to really grow in the things of God. I stopped dating. I couldn't pick out a decent man if he ran into me so I told God if He wanted me to marry He would have to make it clear. It has been thirty five years since I dated and God has been there for me. I have had a good life and though I am not opposed to marrying again but I don't want to go back to the dating process. My Maker is my husband the Lord of Host is his name my Redeemer the Holy One of Israel.

Until I was born again I did not know a decent man (other than my brothers) and I certainly didn't know anyone that was happily married.  Since that day I have come to realize that God does make decent men and there are happy marriages out there. Some men loved their families. There truly is life after abuse.  God can heal you of your pain and sorrows.  Abuse is more than the bruises and scars on the outside. It runs deep in your soul and only God can heal those wounds. What about you have you ever been abused? Do you realize that no one has the right to hurt you? Verbal and emotional abuse are sometime worse that actual beatings. Do you need help getting out of an abusive relationship? There are many people out here who want to help you. God doesn't want His children hurt, wounded, and bleeding so why not ask us for help?

The next chapter

Berwyn was a good move for my family. In those days Berwyn didn't have paved roads, there was no traffic, and the kids could play out in the dirt and no one bothered them. My home was small and cozy. I had no indoor plumbing and no hot water but it was good to have a place of my own.  My one brother and his wife moved down the street from me. It was a different kind of life. We lived next door to a little church and were there every time the door opened. Life was good I no longer lived in fear.

The twins were three when I started having health problems. I had decided I needed to lose weight so I went on diet pills. I got a job working for my father at Mid Nebr. Mental Retardation Services as a secretary. The twins went into a new day care he had recently opened for special needs children. My kids were borderline hyperactive so they qualified. Things were looking up and I had actually dated a few times. The state took over the program my father started and told him I could no longer work there.(because I was his daughter) My doctor decided I was depressed (which I was) and started me on meds.

I became so ill I was unable to function. I had a migraine that lasted over a month and I was unable to keep even water down. I ended up hospitalized. My doctor feared I had a brain tumor so I was sent to Lincoln.
My parents told me goodbye knowing they might not see me again. It was the first time I remember my father telling me he loved me. I was so afraid but when I found out that I didn't have a tumor and would have to learn to live with the constant pain is when I really lost it. They sent me home on seventeen pills a day. I couldn't do anything but lay around. I would get so confused that one day I took all my meds at one time. I called the doctor and he told me to get help because I was about to go to sleep. I slept for two full days. I got up and through all my meds away. I started to get better then.

I entered a rehabilitation program. They sent me to Grand Island, got me a house, got me a job, and promised to get me some training. That went pretty well at first but I ended up having to get my wisdom teeth pulled and then I got dry sockets so I ended up on some heavy duty drugs. Two days before Christmas I had a grand mal seizure. When I came to I didn't know anyone, I didn't know who I was, or where I was. My brother came and got me and the kids and took us to my parents. I was sent to Omaha. After weeks of tests, prodding, and poking they found out I was allergic to medications, all of them. I could take Tylenol of Iburofen and that was all.

When I was released I found that my parents had moved me into Broken Bow. I had a low income house and the kids were already back in school. I was able to find a job. Things were looking up. I made some friends and was going to counseling. Things were good.

My counselor told me my problem was that I kept all my emotions bottled up inside. I need an outlet. I need to go out at night be with adults. I need to have some form of sexual release and then he asked me out. So began a routine. I would go out on weekends with the girls. I didn't sleep around though. I went to church I knew that was wrong, right? Going to the bars didn't help though so soon I fell in love with a cowboy. Not a good thing. You don't meet good men in bars. Did you know that? People in bars don't want to be preached at either. Did you know that? If you have a chance to stand up and preach in the bar wearing a low cut dress with a miny skirt I would advise against it.  Come to find out I am allergic to alcohol too.

In 1976 I found out I was pregnant. It was a low blow. I was a Christian right? Things like that couldn't happen. I was so ashamed to tell my parents that I had my nine year old daughter do it and my parents didn't believe her. I wasn't very big and you really couldn't tell. The father would tell me he loved me when he was drunk. He told me he would marry me when he was drunk but he didn't believe it was his when he was sober. He went to dry out at Valley Hope.

The day he came home he came to my house so drunk he couldn't stand up without leaning on the door frame.  I slammed the door in his face. As far as I was concerned life was over. My doctor told me I was to unstable to go through a pregnancy, I need to abort it right away. I refused. I still wasn't right with God but I knew better than to do that. On November 1, 1976 my youngest daughter was born. She was beautiful and I loved her dearly. Maybe God did still care about me.

Why does life have to be so hard for some people? Are some of us so hard headed we just don't get it? Or are some of just so dense we can't see God working in us?

The saga continues

In February of 1968 my husband had attempted to kill me but my foreman stepped in and saved my life. My foreman took me home and his wife dressed my wounds and cared for me. My husband stayed at our trailer and trashed the place. He left that night and took most of his things with him.

My father came back to NE and brought my brother and his new wife to stay with me so I would be safe. While my father was there, he took us to Wichita to see my grandmother. While we were there my husband called and told my if I wasn't home in two hours he was going to kill himself. That really freaked me out. I called his supervisor and told him what my husband said. He ended up losing his job but they did find him alone with a loaded gun.

When we returned to NE I tried to put my life back together.  My husband became my stalker. In 1968 a husband could legally do anything he wanted where his wife was concerned. There was nothing I could do. He was always following me, peeking in windows, and calling me. I feared for my life. In April when it was apparent that I was indeed pregnant, I got a visit from my foreman's wife. My husband had told her the baby I was carrying was her husband's. She threatened to kill me if I ever came near her husband again. I called my dad and he came and got me.

Living with my parents was hard after having my own home but my pregnancy became very difficult so I had no options.  In my first pregnancy I only gained six pounds. I never really looked pregnant but I was bigger at three months than I was at full term this time.  The doctor told me in July that my date was off and that I could have the baby any day. (I was originally due in November.)

I had three dreams that I was having twins. It was always a boy and a girl and the boy died. I talked to the doctor about the dreams and he told me there was no way. It was just a big boy.   I October they induced me. They were afraid the baby was to big for me to deliver. I gave birth to four and a half pound twins. A boy first and fifteen minutes later a girl. I hemorrhaged and almost died. My son began to immediately lose weight. The doctor told me he had been lodged in the birth canal and had been unable to move so he was constantly moving now to make up for it. I really thought we were going to lose him. It was over a week before they released me and we lived thirty miles from the hospital. It was hard to get in to see them. I would stand at the nursery window and cry. (in those days you couldn't hold them or even touch them) I would cry out to God to save them. My church didn't believe in healing but if God could save me he could save my son, right? my dad would stand there the whole time and complain about my falling apart (he hated it when any one cried) and then he would say over and over ''if I could get my hands on that baby I could get him to eat!"
I never knew how important an ounce could be as my son slowly lost weight. At three pounds and two ounces it didn't look good. God is good and His mercy endures forever and my son slowly began to gain back the weight. When they reached five pound we took them out of the hospital and left to return to NE.

I now had three children two and under and my life looked like it was too much to bear. God had saved my son but what could I do now. I took a long time for me and the babies to gain strength to go on. Slowly I rallied and my parents helped me to go on. I lived with them for two years. I finally found a job and paid off my medical expenses but there was not enough for anything else. My parents helped me as much as they could but finally after two years I moved into my grandmothers little house. (She had recently died) Her house was in Berwyn, a tiny little village of less that a hundred people. I loved having my own home. I got to fix it up some. God was indeed good. I started a new chapter.

How about you, do you need to start over? Do you believe God can heal?  Do you believe He even cares?
God always makes a way even if there seems to be no way?

My Saga

I will continue my story. I'm not sure if anyone even reads these posts but if this helps one person it is worth the pain of reliving my past.

I graduated high school in 1964, I graduated beauty school in March of 1965, and I got married in June of 1965. The day after my wedding my parents moved to Minot North Dakota. We had no money so there was no honeymoon. We went to McDonald's in Omaha with another couple. That night my husband raped me with his friends in the next room. I didn't know what to do. He said he was tired of playing my wait for marriage games. There was no glorious coming together as in the books. I had almost been raped twice before so I had a great deal of fear to deal with. It took weeks for me to recover physically. In my eyes it was God punishing me for my disobedience to Him.

I had not known love in my home (or at least I didn't think I had) but I had never known violence either. Violence was something I didn't understand but it became a way of life. My husband was very jealous and demanding. When we married we lived in a tiny apartment in downtown Lincoln. I worked at Miller and Paine. I soon became pregnant and had some problems so I was unable to work. My husband got orders for Vietnam but because I was pregnant they canceled his orders. In October I lost the baby and my husband went back on this list to be deployed. Because of his extreme jealousy I was forced to move back home with my parents. In January I learned I was pregnant again bringing a whole new fear into my already fear filled life.

I had grown to love my husband. I know that is hard to understand. It wasn't the normal love of a woman for her husband. it was perverted I know but he had taken away all my friends and family so I had to rely solely on him. My time away form him was full of horror. At first he would write to me often but later there would be months when I wouldn't hear from him. I would picture him lying in some jungle. It was terrifying.

I gave birth to a beautiful little girl in September. My husband was thrilled. He returned to the States in the spring of 1967. We moved back to Nebraska. He couldn't hold down a job, it was everyone else's fault. The more frustrated he got the worse things were at home. I got a job in Grand Island at the ordinance plant making bombs. I was on the road three hours a day so we decided to move closer. My husband got a job as a security guard at the plant.  There was sabotage going on so now my husband lost it.

One night we had gone to a party from work. He had brought my foreman home with him so they could drink more. (did I mention he had a drinking and drug problem?) My husband decided I was showing to much attention to my foreman. He carried me to the back bedroom and threw me on the bed. He screamed at me that he was through putting up with my chasing men and that he was going to kill me.  Then he proceeded to try to do that.

I didn't know what to do so I called out to God to save me. Almost immediately my foreman pulled him off of me and knocked him out. He helped me to his car and took me home. His wife helped clean me up. God had saved my life and the life of my unborn child. I would be forever grateful for that but I didn't know that I could be forgiven of my disobedience or that He loved me.

My father brought my brother and his new wife to live with me so that I would be safe. I tried to go on but I lived in a world of total fear.

How about you? Do you know that God loves you and wants to forgive you of your sins and your disobedience? He wants to be a part of your life. He has a plan for you. There is life after abuse, hurt, and pain. Have you asked Him into your life? Have you called on His name?

Choices

My last post I told you a small part of my testimony and how God had told me to write but today I want to tell you a little more of my story.

I am the oldest of four children. My father was in the Air Force and we traveled around.  My father had two sisters and grew up in the depression. Both of his parents work for the railroad, they were cooks in the diner car. They left their kids alone to raise themselves. The girls ran into some pretty rough times and my father ended up with very little use for women. His mother was a cold hard German and had little use for any of them. My dad would have told you the Boy Scouts saved his life. He met my mother in high school but then moved away. He later wrote to my mother from Italy during the war and when he returned they were married immediately after his return.

I grew up feeling that I was worth nothing and would never amount to anything. I was after all just a girl. What could you expect? My father taught my brothers everything. He had no time for me. My oldest brother could do anything, he was athletic, he sang, he was in school plays, he made good grades, and he was an artist. My second brother and I struggled to please my father but it all came to naught.

I struggled for years and finally just became rebellious. I dated men in the Air Force because he hated that. I would sit down the street and wait for him to go out looking for me, then come home. We didn't have a very good relationship. My mother worked night so I was stuck with my baby brother. (he was ten years younger) So mom wasn't there for me.

We moved between my junior and senior year. It devastated me. I went from a class D school in Missouri to a college prep in Lincoln. It was not pretty. I had felt like I was suppose to be a nurse but because of the move there was no way to do that unless I went to summer school the full summer. I choose to go to beauty school instead. A bad choice.

I loved beauty school and did very well but I started hanging around with a group of girls that spent every minute of free time with the airmen from the air base. My father was stationed to Minot ND but because it was my brothers senior year my mom stayed in Lincoln until he graduated. I fell in love with an airman and was in heaven. He was deployed to Spain for several weeks and when he returned he told me we were to serious and broke up with me. With a broken heart I went to a dance with my friends and I met a friend of my ex-boyfriend. He went after me with everything he could think of. We were married in five months. I can't tell you exactly how it happened. He never proposed, I was just engaged.

On my wedding day I stood in front of the mirror in the dressing room of the church. I heard an audible voice saying "You can't marry this man!" I looked behind me but I knew it was the voice of God. I told my mom that I couldn't marry this man but she told me I just had cold feet. She went after my dad and he threw a fit. All our friends and family were sitting in the church. I was getting married if he had to drag me down the aisle. I didn't know what to do.

At my wedding reception my bridegroom was outside riding skate boards with my youngest brother. Do you think I made the wrong choice? I didn't think I had a choice but God showed me I had that choice and I blew it. That one choice destroyed my life. My husband was controlling and abusive and I lived a life of hell on earth until he finally tried to kill me. God saved me but I payed a horrendous price.

We all have choices but we need to seek God's will in our life.  I still pay the price of that one choice everyday. It took me years to understand that God does forgive us of those wrong choices. He has a plan for each of us. Don't take your life in your own hands but seek ye first the kingdom of God.  He loves you and wants to be a part of your future. He wants a relationship with you.

Do you know the Almighty God? Do you spend time with Him? Do you wake up in the morning and say 'Oh God it's morning' or do you wake up say 'Good morning God?'

My First Book

Several years ago God spoke to me in the middle of the night. He told me to write a book. I told Him I didn't know how to do that. He told me to write a book. That was all He told me. I was sure it was from satan himself
I had tried to write as a teen and had been stumped after the second chapter. I had once written my testimony for I do have an awesome testimony. I had a friend edit the book but I didn't know what to do with it after that. I thought maybe I just wrote the  book for her. I carried it around for years but eventually I lost it. It didn't really matter no one wanted to hear it any way. It makes a difference if you become someone special but that wasn't me. I had a great testimony but it never seemed to be complete. God had saved me from terrible circumstance but I was still divorced, I still had four children that had to be raised, I still work three jobs at times, I still lived in poverty, and no one wanted to hear about the wonderful God I served especially my own family.

You see no one could see the wonderful things God was doing in my life. I was at the end of my rope when God saved me. My youngest daughter was dieing and I had no hope. God saved my daughter and through a prophet told me that my family would be saved by that tiny little baby. God is good and that came to pass but the changes in my life were in my heart and not visible to the people around me.

My daughter and I went garage saleing one day. (I live with my oldest daughter and had shared with her how I felt God wanted me to write a book and she didn't even laugh). I found a box of books at the last garage sale we went to that day. The top book was about writing a novel.  My daughter did laugh at that one. All I had with me was a quarter so I told her that would be the test if it was really from God. I asked the lady how much the book was. She told me I could just have the whole box. She just wanted to get rid of them. The whole box was about writing. God does have a sense of humor. Doesn't He?

I told God I would try. I could write some light little fluff piece, something humorous right? My first book is titled 'Out of The Shadows' it is about my testimony although I did give my  heroine a happy ending and not four little kids to raise alone. I can assure you there is no fluff to it. I now write Suspense/Romance and I love every minute of it. It was not my plan but it was so much greater than I ever dreamed.

I have said it before and I will no doubt say it in all of my blogs; God is good and His mercy endures forever.
I feel honored to be used by God and I love to tell the stories that He gives me. I feel anointed to do His will and will continue to write whether I ever get published.

Do you feel that intensity to write? Is it deep down in your bones? Do you have to write?

Harvest time

Yesterday I had to make a quick trip across the state to pick up a family member.  It was an unexpected trip and it was wonderful.  It is harvest time in Nebraska and it is beautiful. Harvest time is so full of colors and smells. I wouldn't trade this place for anything. I know a lot of people want to move down south to retire but I have retired and I love it here. I love the change of the season so much like our lives.  There have been a lot of books, stories, and movies about the seasons of our lives. If there are seasons, I would imagine I would be in the Autumn of my life. I plan to live until I'm 120 so maybe I am still in the Summer.

Yesterday God was dealing with me on It's Harvest Time. Jesus said, "The harvest truly is plentiful but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest." In John He said "Behold, I say to you , lift up your eyes and look at the fields for they are already white unto harvest." The books I write all carry the plan of salvation. I know a lot of people believe that it is not necessary to come right out and write the sinners prayer but I don't do subtle well. My writing is my ministry and I don't want anyone to read my books and miss it. I pray that everyone who reads my books will be touched by them and never be the same.  Many would believe I am some kind of a fanatic but I love the Lord and believe God has all the answers.  He loved me so much He sent His Son to die or me. He gave me a Great Commission, to go out into the world to preach the gospel to every creature. My job is to save souls I will be accountable for the people that read my books and I don't want the blood of one of them on my hands. So maybe I am a little bit of a fanatic, I just wants us all to know Jesus and the power of his resurrection. He has done so much for me, God is so good how could anyone not love him.

Harvest time also means time to receive the harvest for the seeds sown. I am a giver. I live to give and I love to give to those in need the most because of this strange need to give I will reap a harvest for each seed I sow.  Many times I have given my last penny to some one in need. (mostly to missions) God is so good that He blesses me with a harvest for each seed I sow. How could I not love and serve a God like that. Harvest time is truly the best time of the year. I hope you are blessed by what I write because I pray over what I write on this blog too.  God Loves You!

What do you think about putting the prayer of salvation in your books?  Am I the only one who feels this burning desire?

Dare to Dream

This last week or so has been a rough time for me. I am now up and around and feeling much better.  I didn't realize that while I was busy trying to fight all the attacks that had surrounded me, that I was losing ground in my battle. Sunday our pastor spoke on daring to dream. I had heard this sermon before and it had touched me but yesterday it really spoke to me.
It is so easy to lose your way when you go to book stores and see all the new books that have just come out. I get a catalog of all the new fiction out this month and it is easy to say this can never happen to me. I have written all these books and no one even wants to read them. I just don't know where to go from here.
Yesterday I realized that whether anyone reads my books or not I have been obedient to God.  He put this burning in my heart and until the fire is extinguished I have to go on.  What would you do for God if you knew you couldn't fail?  We only see the negative, so often we can't see the possibility. We need to see the possibilities, identify them, shut the door and dream your dream.
Everyone has told me I need to go to a conference to find an agent or publisher. It is impossible to get published without one or the other but there is a next step and I know that God will show me exactly what He wants me to do because He put that dream in my heart and nothing is impossible for him. Writing was never my idea.
 I know it was a God dream because I would never be able to do the writing and publishing on my own. The dream is to big to be me.  I will treat my dream as I treat God for He is the one to give it to me. I expect God to anoint me to fulfill this dream, I know I have everything I need has already been placed in my heart and I now expect God to show up and fulfill my dream.

Do you have a burning dream deep in your soul?  Is your dream to big to be yours?

Timing

My post today is about timing.  God's timing is so much different than mine.  I have spent years trying to figure it out how and I am now closer to understanding than I was years ago. I do know that God wants to be involved in my day to day walk.  I have found that nothing is more important than having a real relationship with Almighty God.

I have been divorced forever. I don't date and haven't for over 35 years. Years ago I took God as my husband. Isaiah 54:4 'For thy Maker is thy husband, the Lord of Host is His name; my Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth'  This was the scriptures I have stood on for all of these years. This summer on July 7 I went through an actual wedding ceremony in Quito Ecuador so after all those years I now have a wedding ring ( sliver coated nail) and a marriage certificate.  Even though I have considered God my husband all the years that ring I wear every day and that certificate have brought me to a new level of relationship. It was a timing thing, I might not understand it all but i know it is true.

Tomorrow the writing conference will start with out me. I really thought I was to be there but now I know that was not what God had in mind. I also know that what God has in mind will be far greater than I can imagine.  God's timing is everything.  God is good and His mercy endures forever.

God's blessing to all the published and would be published authors as they learn and grow in St. Louis. My spirit goes out to you.

Trust

I know your thinking 'What does trust have to do with writing?' My answer is everything.

Today I had to go to Ord to get my son-in-law's medication. It is a beautiful day for a road trip. Ord is about fifty miles from Broken Bow so round trip takes a couple of hours. Today it was just me and God and it was awesome. I don't seem to get as much alone time with Him as I need but today was wonderful. It is harvest time in Nebraska. The fields are golden and the trees are changing colors.  God does some of His best work in the fall. Seed time and harvest is God's idea, how great is that.  God assured me the whole trip that it is harvest time.  All I have to do is trust. I am a giver now it is time to harvest.

Last week was really a hard one. I felt like I was attacked everywhere I turned.  God had really been blessing me so I should have been ready to be attacked but I was ambushed. God is good and I am well and life looks much better.  All I have to do is trust in God, He is in control and his timing is right on.

I'm not sure about what is coming in the future but I know that God and I can handle it. I also know that I will probably write about it in the near future.  God is good and His mercy endures for ever.

Do you have trust issues?  Are you able to sit back and watch God move or are you always trying to take control?

Next Step

This has been an unusual week.  I have been hit with several unforeseen events because of that I will be unable to go to the conference.  I am truly heartbroken not to get to go.  Alas there will be other conferences and life goes on.
My youngest daughter was bipolar and throughout most of her thirty-four years she would take one step forward and then take two steps back.  That is how I feel today.  Maybe it is only two steps forward and one step back but I don't seem to be going any where.
My daughter went to be with Jesus in May and is no longer struggling with her race but she has taught me a lot. God is good and His mercy endures forever.  No matter how things look or feels He is right there with us. Some times He holds my hands, sometimes He gives me a shoulder to cry on, and some times he picks me up and carries me but I always know He is there.  God is good all the time.
I hope this is an encouragement to you and helps you with your journey.
Do you ever feel like you go one step forward and two steps back?
Do you ever feel like you can't go on?
Is what God is asking you to do so big you are overwhelmed?

My Badge

I have had several questions and comments on my badge that I posted on my blog and on my facebook page.  So I will explain it to you today.

I recently went on a mission trip to Quito Ecuador. On that mission trip there were two wonderful ladies that are published writers. They took me under their wings and they have helped me a great deal.  One of their first suggestions was to join a writer's group. I took their advice and joined ACFW.  I am very new in that group and they have just recently started a new contest.  The contest is for new members that have just recently put the end on a manuscript. You can send in your finished manuscript and it will be entered into the contest. There will be a winner next year and the price will be a trip to the conference.  I sent in my latest manuscript, 'Little Girl Taken' and they awarded my The End Badge to place where ever I want.  I love the badge and I am happy to answer your questions.  God is so good and His mercy endures forever. 

Memories

I know that I have titled this blog a Journey to Publication but today I want to write about the anniversary of 9/11. Yesterday the whole nation remembered this day in history. A day that changed like as we knew it.  I didn't lose anyone to this disaster but it changed my life forever.

 I came from a military background; my father fought in the second world war and Korea, my husband fought in Viet Naum, my brothers fought in Desert storm, my son fought in Iraq and Iran and now my grandson and step grandson are fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq. My family was changed forever.

I want to pay honor to those who have died that we might be free. I want to honor those who have lost loved ones in the 9/11 disaster and the war that followed.  I am able to write because they gave their lives and I will never forget that. "No greater love than this than to lay down your life for your brother."  Thank you!

The Journey begins

Five years ago God told me he wanted me to write a book.  I said "Yeah right" I had no idea how to do that.  two days later at a garage sale there was a box of books, the one on top said "How to write a novel" coincidence I don't think so... I asked the lady what the book cost she told me I could just have the whole box. She just wanted to get rid of them.  Imagine my surprise when I found the box contained twelve books on writing.  God is good and He has a great sense of humor.

I thought fine I could write some cute fluff love story and all would be great, right? My first story ended up being about my own testimony of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse by the hands of my father and later a husband that tried to kill me. Needless to say it was not a fluffy little love story but it did help heal my heart after almost forty years of pain.

I have now written five books all are fiction and are to help women learn there is life after abuse. God wants to heal us and make us new. This has now become my ministry and I love to speak to women about hope and healing.

Three months ago I was unaware of the whole publishing business. Oh I had sent in my manuscripts to publishing houses on the internet but I had no idea about one sheets, queries, or book proposal.  I went on a missions trip to Quito, Ecuador and met two of the nicest ladies in the world Marty Pieper and Jennie B. Jones.  Both women are published writers and they spent time with me offering me guidance. I told you God is good. I was just trying to do something good for him and He blessed me with these two sweethearts.

This blog is all about what I have learned in the last few months and what I will be learning. I pray you will come along for the ride. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.