My Saga

I will continue my story. I'm not sure if anyone even reads these posts but if this helps one person it is worth the pain of reliving my past.

I graduated high school in 1964, I graduated beauty school in March of 1965, and I got married in June of 1965. The day after my wedding my parents moved to Minot North Dakota. We had no money so there was no honeymoon. We went to McDonald's in Omaha with another couple. That night my husband raped me with his friends in the next room. I didn't know what to do. He said he was tired of playing my wait for marriage games. There was no glorious coming together as in the books. I had almost been raped twice before so I had a great deal of fear to deal with. It took weeks for me to recover physically. In my eyes it was God punishing me for my disobedience to Him.

I had not known love in my home (or at least I didn't think I had) but I had never known violence either. Violence was something I didn't understand but it became a way of life. My husband was very jealous and demanding. When we married we lived in a tiny apartment in downtown Lincoln. I worked at Miller and Paine. I soon became pregnant and had some problems so I was unable to work. My husband got orders for Vietnam but because I was pregnant they canceled his orders. In October I lost the baby and my husband went back on this list to be deployed. Because of his extreme jealousy I was forced to move back home with my parents. In January I learned I was pregnant again bringing a whole new fear into my already fear filled life.

I had grown to love my husband. I know that is hard to understand. It wasn't the normal love of a woman for her husband. it was perverted I know but he had taken away all my friends and family so I had to rely solely on him. My time away form him was full of horror. At first he would write to me often but later there would be months when I wouldn't hear from him. I would picture him lying in some jungle. It was terrifying.

I gave birth to a beautiful little girl in September. My husband was thrilled. He returned to the States in the spring of 1967. We moved back to Nebraska. He couldn't hold down a job, it was everyone else's fault. The more frustrated he got the worse things were at home. I got a job in Grand Island at the ordinance plant making bombs. I was on the road three hours a day so we decided to move closer. My husband got a job as a security guard at the plant.  There was sabotage going on so now my husband lost it.

One night we had gone to a party from work. He had brought my foreman home with him so they could drink more. (did I mention he had a drinking and drug problem?) My husband decided I was showing to much attention to my foreman. He carried me to the back bedroom and threw me on the bed. He screamed at me that he was through putting up with my chasing men and that he was going to kill me.  Then he proceeded to try to do that.

I didn't know what to do so I called out to God to save me. Almost immediately my foreman pulled him off of me and knocked him out. He helped me to his car and took me home. His wife helped clean me up. God had saved my life and the life of my unborn child. I would be forever grateful for that but I didn't know that I could be forgiven of my disobedience or that He loved me.

My father brought my brother and his new wife to live with me so that I would be safe. I tried to go on but I lived in a world of total fear.

How about you? Do you know that God loves you and wants to forgive you of your sins and your disobedience? He wants to be a part of your life. He has a plan for you. There is life after abuse, hurt, and pain. Have you asked Him into your life? Have you called on His name?