Choices

My last post I told you a small part of my testimony and how God had told me to write but today I want to tell you a little more of my story.

I am the oldest of four children. My father was in the Air Force and we traveled around.  My father had two sisters and grew up in the depression. Both of his parents work for the railroad, they were cooks in the diner car. They left their kids alone to raise themselves. The girls ran into some pretty rough times and my father ended up with very little use for women. His mother was a cold hard German and had little use for any of them. My dad would have told you the Boy Scouts saved his life. He met my mother in high school but then moved away. He later wrote to my mother from Italy during the war and when he returned they were married immediately after his return.

I grew up feeling that I was worth nothing and would never amount to anything. I was after all just a girl. What could you expect? My father taught my brothers everything. He had no time for me. My oldest brother could do anything, he was athletic, he sang, he was in school plays, he made good grades, and he was an artist. My second brother and I struggled to please my father but it all came to naught.

I struggled for years and finally just became rebellious. I dated men in the Air Force because he hated that. I would sit down the street and wait for him to go out looking for me, then come home. We didn't have a very good relationship. My mother worked night so I was stuck with my baby brother. (he was ten years younger) So mom wasn't there for me.

We moved between my junior and senior year. It devastated me. I went from a class D school in Missouri to a college prep in Lincoln. It was not pretty. I had felt like I was suppose to be a nurse but because of the move there was no way to do that unless I went to summer school the full summer. I choose to go to beauty school instead. A bad choice.

I loved beauty school and did very well but I started hanging around with a group of girls that spent every minute of free time with the airmen from the air base. My father was stationed to Minot ND but because it was my brothers senior year my mom stayed in Lincoln until he graduated. I fell in love with an airman and was in heaven. He was deployed to Spain for several weeks and when he returned he told me we were to serious and broke up with me. With a broken heart I went to a dance with my friends and I met a friend of my ex-boyfriend. He went after me with everything he could think of. We were married in five months. I can't tell you exactly how it happened. He never proposed, I was just engaged.

On my wedding day I stood in front of the mirror in the dressing room of the church. I heard an audible voice saying "You can't marry this man!" I looked behind me but I knew it was the voice of God. I told my mom that I couldn't marry this man but she told me I just had cold feet. She went after my dad and he threw a fit. All our friends and family were sitting in the church. I was getting married if he had to drag me down the aisle. I didn't know what to do.

At my wedding reception my bridegroom was outside riding skate boards with my youngest brother. Do you think I made the wrong choice? I didn't think I had a choice but God showed me I had that choice and I blew it. That one choice destroyed my life. My husband was controlling and abusive and I lived a life of hell on earth until he finally tried to kill me. God saved me but I payed a horrendous price.

We all have choices but we need to seek God's will in our life.  I still pay the price of that one choice everyday. It took me years to understand that God does forgive us of those wrong choices. He has a plan for each of us. Don't take your life in your own hands but seek ye first the kingdom of God.  He loves you and wants to be a part of your future. He wants a relationship with you.

Do you know the Almighty God? Do you spend time with Him? Do you wake up in the morning and say 'Oh God it's morning' or do you wake up say 'Good morning God?'