Halloween

Today is Halloween and I am so glad it is almost over. I hate giving the devil any credit at all and this whole holiday is just that. It glorifies the evil in this world. Most people don't believe there is a devil but they will let the precious babies dress up to be him. How lame is that? He has come into this world to kill, steal, and destroy, why would anyone glorify that? Jesus came to give us life and that more abundantly. We need to be celebrating that not someone who is trying to destroy our kids, our marriages, and our homes.  No wonder this world is going down the tubes. Kids can celebrate Halloween, talk about the devil and witches, dress like them but can't mention the name of Jesus without being thrown out.  What has our world come to?  When are we going to stand up and be the men and women of God He created us to be?  We were created to love God. Our nation was created to worship God.  God created Israel to be His people. He just wanted them to love Him but our nation came to existence so that we could worship Him. That is all the people who first came to our world wanted.  A place they could worship God and honor Him. How glorious that was and God will never forget that but we have. We need to get back to our roots.  We need to worship Him and bring Him back to our schools, back to our courts, and back to our government.

Glory to God! I will worship Him with all of my might and with all of my being! He is the Lord of all!  Thank you Father for loving me so much you sent your Son to die for me.  Thank you Jesus for loving me so much you died for me. Thank you Holy Spirit for loving me so much that You came to be my leader, my teacher, mu helper, my guide, and my comforter. I just want to praise you for all you have done for me. Glory! Glory!
Glory!

What about you? Choose today who you will serve life or death?  Choose life!

Sex and Money

 I have been talking about grace and I will return to it again but yesterday I was watching the 700 club and they touched my heart. My last book is about the terrible problem of Human Trafficking in the US.  My heart was broken by this problem. I was heart broken because I didn't have anything to give to this cause. God told me to write a book about it to bring the problem to the forefront. Yesterday they had a group who have a made a documentary on this problem. I want to share some of that information with you. It is a passion in my heart.

A new documentary on human trafficking shows it's a more serious problem inside the US than people realize. The film entitled Sex and Money produced by a group of young Christian filmmakers focuses on the dangers of pornography which fuels this modern day tragedy.

The goal behind this film is to let ordinary Americans know that trafficking exists in their everyday world and it targets their young sons and daughters. "I thought I was the only 12 year old. I was told to lie and say I was 16 to anyone that asked." one young victim recalls in the film. "I was 14 and he took me to California." another victim says.

Young children are supposed to be at home at this age in a loving, comforting, environment. Instead they're with pimps and johns in dangerous places where they are raped, abused, and forced to do inconceivable acts. 

Filmmakers covered the country from cities and suburb areas. They talk to experts, former pimps who sold their victims to whomever would buy. Now the group is on the road again screening the documentary in churches and on college campuses.  "When people see this film they get really upset about this issue and a lot of times with education comes motivation to do something."  Morgan Perry, co-producer says.

 Perry said the film has led one physician to train other doctors how to spot victims. One flight attendant also began an awareness campaign for her peers.

The production has also opened new conversations and ministry times in churches where they've shown it.

"I've had women come up to me, countless people, saying, 'I've been raped, sexually abused, addicted to porn and masterbation for X number of years," co-producer Sarah-Jo Sampson said.

"And I'm just realizing -- this is such a reality -- how much guilt and shame people are carrying for what's been done to them," she said.

This experience has also impacted the producers themselves.

When their research showed that different media often drives a person to buy sex, they realized the need to catch the attention of this iPod-driven generation.

"I think our generation has a choice with whether we're going to be contributing to the problem or whether we're going to be doing something positive to help the situation," co-producer Tim Dyk said.

 

Get involved are children are the most important thing in the world.

Related Links:

Sex and Money: A national search for human worth

Take action - get involved - End slavery now

Grace Grace Marvelous Grace

Romans 5:2 'says we have access into this grace' Grace is bigger than any sin. Romans 5:20 says 'where sin abounds grace abounds much more'. Romans 6:1 grace gives us power to not sin' Grace is there to cover any failures of mankind. Grace is not a word but it is a lifestyle.

How can you know when you are out of the circle of grace? Is there condemnation, are you comparing your self to others, are you confused, is it a real labor, or are you callous? If you are struggling you are not in the circle of  grace

We live by faith but we live in grace. It takes faith to stay in the circle of faith.  In that circle of grace you will find confidence courage and creativity.  Faith and grace are the power twins. They go together.

I don't know about you but is very important for me to stay in that circle of grace. Without grace I can do nothing. I want to be able to do all that God has called me to do.  Creativity is so important to that call.  Being in grace opens the door to hear God's voice and to see where He is leading me.  How about you? Are you standing in the circle of grace? Are you comparing yourself with the other writers out there? Are you hearing God directions to you?

Grace

I am still going to talk about Grace.  It is only by grace that we have any faith at all.  Romans 12:6  'Having then gifts  differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them.'  God has given us all a gift of grace and because of that grace he has given us gifts to minister to the world.  There have been times when I wasn't sure what exactly my gifts were. How about you?  Do you know what your gifts are? Do you know how to use those gifts?

I do know I have the gift of helps. I absolutely love to help people. I had the honor of caring for my mother when she was unable to care for herself after my father died. She had Alzheimer's and in the last years knew nothing.  I have worked as a nurse's aide in the rest homes. I worked with the mentally retarded here in town and I have worked in food service.  I love working in the church and I am active in the mission ministry of my church. I recently went on a mission's trip to Ecuador and plan to go to Panama this coming year. I have ministered on the worship team, the sound board, and the computer to words of music on our screens. I love to decorate the church.   I am on two prayer teams. I just love to help.

I recently told you my testimony. It was only God's grace that helped me through it. Now it is God's grace that drives me to share that grace and love to the world.  It is now my honor to share what God can do in a fiction setting. I am thrilled He has called me to write for Him.  Whether anyone ever reads my books or not, it has been an honor to share the stories God has given me. I give God all the glory and all the honor.

How have you experienced God's grace?  What gifts have you been given?  How can you make a difference?

Circle of grace

Our pastor defines grace as God's willingness to get involved in my mess. I love that definition.  I need God to get involved in my mess. I can't do it alone, I know that I have tried to do it on my own and always fail miserably.Gace is used approximately 170 times in  the New Testament so it must be important, right? James 4:6
But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Grace is getting what we don't deserve.Romans 12:3 For I say, through the grace given to me to everyone who is among you, not to think more highly of yourselves than you ought, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to us each the measure of faith. It is only by grace that we have any faith at all. Romans 4:6 says Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them;

I could go on and on but faith positions us to receive what grace has called us to do. This teaching has really spoke to me because I realize that I have been messing up. I have been praying for certain things and I believed I had the faith to receive them but they haven't come to pass. I would get on my knees and ask what I was doing wrong? Where have I missed it? I was confessing, I was believing, and I was doing everything I knew to do. What was going on?

Suddenly I saw that I was not trusting in God to do what I had prayed for, I was trying to work my way into God's grace. His grace was already there. I don't have to earn it, it is already mine. God forgive me, I was trying to it all my own way. God is good and I thank Him for what He is doing in my life. I really want to thank Him for forgiving me for when I blow it. I now see I already have what I need to do what God has called me to do and He will take care of everything else.

Do you try to make things happen in your walk with God? Do you truly trust Him to do that which is needed in your life? 

The final chapter

Hopefully it won't be the total final chapter but it is to this point.  Thirty four years ago (almost thirty five) I became truly born again but it was different this time. I received the Holy Spirit this time. It gave me power to live a righteous life. I fell in love with Jesus and couldn't get enough of his Word. My family was in church every time the doors were open. There is not enough time or paper to tell all of the amazing miracles God has done in my life and in my family.

God has blessed me with the greatest church and church family in the world. My pastor is the best on in the world.  He and his wife are wonderful people and since this is Pastor Appreciation Month I will tell you I really appreciate them. He has helped all of stretch and grow these last three years. I have reached a new level in Christ Jesus I never thought I would reach.

Two of my children are not serving the Lord right now but I know that will change. I am very proud of my children and God has blessed me with them.  Amie is no longer with us as she went home to be with Jesus in May but I am still proud of her.  My oldest daughter is a manager in Runza. I'm sure many of you have never heard of Runza. It is a Nebraska fast food restaurant. She and her husband have two boys that live and work in Grand Island. She also raises Amie's daughter who is only sixteen.  My son(one of the twins) was in the Air Force Special Forces. He spent many tours in the middle east but is now retired. He is a deputy sheriff in Cheyenne Wyoming. He and his wife have a fifteen year old son.  He is a tremendous athlete and I am very proud of him. My middle daughter(one of the twins) is a registered Nurse and works in the York Women prison and is studying to be a PA. She and her husband have two children. Her son is a Marine and is in Afghanistan.  Her daughter is married and lives in Henderson NE. She has had two children. Her son is two and a half, her daughter Kaylee went to live with Jesus last summer at two months old. Amie's husband lives in Hastings. Her seven year old son lives with his dad. I am truly blessed.

God has truly blessed me.  Isaiah 54:5 For my Maker is my husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; my Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. God is my husband and He has been so good to me. He has never once abused me in any way. Whether or not I ever marry is up to God but I am content and happy. I do hope to one day be a published author. God has put that desire into my heart but it is all up to Him and His timing.

Thank you for enduring my testimony I hope it helped at least one of those who visited. If it did it was worth all the pain. What has God done in your life?  If you woke up tomorrow with only the things you have thanked God for what would you have left?

The story continues

Amie, my youngest child was born in 1976. I wanted to name her Liberty but my folks threw a fit so she became Amie. Amie means dearly beloved and she was. My kids didn't ask questions they just told everyone she was a gift of God. She weighed five pounds and nine ounces, a tiny little thing. At four weeks she only weighed six and a half pounds and she began to lose weight instead of gain. I was nursing her and my doctor told me I was nervous and upset and that was why she wasn't gaining so I began pumping and feeding her from a bottle but it didn't help. She started screaming all the time. The cry was one of pain and I didn't know what to do to help her. I stopped giving her my milk and gave her formula but that was worse. she began throwing up all the time. They put her on soy but that didn't work. Goat's milk was worse.
I walked the floor day and night. In those days there wasn't twenty four hour TV. The first program on every day was a Christian station it was also the last one on each day. I couldn't wait each morning until it came on.

At six weeks she was down to her birth weight. The doctor sent me to Kearney to see a pediatrician. Dr. Schafer found that I had a very sick baby and I wasn't given much hope. She had a large hole in her heart, a serious kidney disorder, a bone disorder, and the problem causing all the pain was she didn't have a valve in her stomach. Without the valve the milk was coming into her esophagus causing severe ulceration. The doctor told me she would have to have several major surgeries.

I didn't know what to do. I was down in Kearney all by myself and I was so overwhelmed. I finally decided to call the TV program. I didn't know anything about healing but they talked about it all the time. The lady that answered was so sweet. She listened intently and finally asked me how I wanted her to pray. What could I believe God for? I told her I could believe not having surgery so she prayed that way.

About an hour later the doctor told me they were going to try to build her up before they did surgery. They wanted her to sit up at all times and cereal in her formula to thicken it so it will stay in her stomach. They would wait until she was six months old unless there was an emergency.

My dad took me to a special speaker at a Full Gospel Business Meeting. This speaker was suppose to be able to lay hands on the sick and they are healed. I went with him and he prayed for us. When we went for her next check up the hole in her heart had become a small murmur.  She had gained some weight but was much to small. He sent us home but we were to come back at six months. I started going to a church that prayed for the sick.

When she was six months old I went to another Full Gospel Business Meeting. The speaker was a man from California. His name was Wild Bill Monteaf. I had never seen a man like this. He pointed to me and told me to come forward. He told me that God told him that I was concerned about my baby being born out of wedlock but God said He was here Father and just like Jephthah a son of a harlot saved his whole family so will this child save her family. Through this child your whole family will be saved. Then he laid hands on her and prayed for her.

I wish I could tell you that she was totally healed at that moment but God did touch her and me. I found out that God truly does love us no matter what are sins have been in the past. He filled me with the Holy Spirit and I have never been the same. Amie had tubes in her ears when she was one. She only weighed eighteen
pounds a wore six month clothes but after much prayer she began to grow. The bones in her skull were still as that of a newborn but after another three month she started to grow and the bones began to close up.

Amie was nine months old when they finally allowed her to lay flat. It was a long time for her to be able to sit and then crawl because of being unable to do these things she was really behind in speech and hand and eye coordination. She didn't walk until she was three and was unable to talk until then.

God was good to us. We learned of His wonders and His grace. My parents were saved because of what happened to her. My other three children were saved and the prophecy came true. Amie was a true blessing for me. I began to really grow in the things of God. I stopped dating. I couldn't pick out a decent man if he ran into me so I told God if He wanted me to marry He would have to make it clear. It has been thirty five years since I dated and God has been there for me. I have had a good life and though I am not opposed to marrying again but I don't want to go back to the dating process. My Maker is my husband the Lord of Host is his name my Redeemer the Holy One of Israel.

Until I was born again I did not know a decent man (other than my brothers) and I certainly didn't know anyone that was happily married.  Since that day I have come to realize that God does make decent men and there are happy marriages out there. Some men loved their families. There truly is life after abuse.  God can heal you of your pain and sorrows.  Abuse is more than the bruises and scars on the outside. It runs deep in your soul and only God can heal those wounds. What about you have you ever been abused? Do you realize that no one has the right to hurt you? Verbal and emotional abuse are sometime worse that actual beatings. Do you need help getting out of an abusive relationship? There are many people out here who want to help you. God doesn't want His children hurt, wounded, and bleeding so why not ask us for help?

The next chapter

Berwyn was a good move for my family. In those days Berwyn didn't have paved roads, there was no traffic, and the kids could play out in the dirt and no one bothered them. My home was small and cozy. I had no indoor plumbing and no hot water but it was good to have a place of my own.  My one brother and his wife moved down the street from me. It was a different kind of life. We lived next door to a little church and were there every time the door opened. Life was good I no longer lived in fear.

The twins were three when I started having health problems. I had decided I needed to lose weight so I went on diet pills. I got a job working for my father at Mid Nebr. Mental Retardation Services as a secretary. The twins went into a new day care he had recently opened for special needs children. My kids were borderline hyperactive so they qualified. Things were looking up and I had actually dated a few times. The state took over the program my father started and told him I could no longer work there.(because I was his daughter) My doctor decided I was depressed (which I was) and started me on meds.

I became so ill I was unable to function. I had a migraine that lasted over a month and I was unable to keep even water down. I ended up hospitalized. My doctor feared I had a brain tumor so I was sent to Lincoln.
My parents told me goodbye knowing they might not see me again. It was the first time I remember my father telling me he loved me. I was so afraid but when I found out that I didn't have a tumor and would have to learn to live with the constant pain is when I really lost it. They sent me home on seventeen pills a day. I couldn't do anything but lay around. I would get so confused that one day I took all my meds at one time. I called the doctor and he told me to get help because I was about to go to sleep. I slept for two full days. I got up and through all my meds away. I started to get better then.

I entered a rehabilitation program. They sent me to Grand Island, got me a house, got me a job, and promised to get me some training. That went pretty well at first but I ended up having to get my wisdom teeth pulled and then I got dry sockets so I ended up on some heavy duty drugs. Two days before Christmas I had a grand mal seizure. When I came to I didn't know anyone, I didn't know who I was, or where I was. My brother came and got me and the kids and took us to my parents. I was sent to Omaha. After weeks of tests, prodding, and poking they found out I was allergic to medications, all of them. I could take Tylenol of Iburofen and that was all.

When I was released I found that my parents had moved me into Broken Bow. I had a low income house and the kids were already back in school. I was able to find a job. Things were looking up. I made some friends and was going to counseling. Things were good.

My counselor told me my problem was that I kept all my emotions bottled up inside. I need an outlet. I need to go out at night be with adults. I need to have some form of sexual release and then he asked me out. So began a routine. I would go out on weekends with the girls. I didn't sleep around though. I went to church I knew that was wrong, right? Going to the bars didn't help though so soon I fell in love with a cowboy. Not a good thing. You don't meet good men in bars. Did you know that? People in bars don't want to be preached at either. Did you know that? If you have a chance to stand up and preach in the bar wearing a low cut dress with a miny skirt I would advise against it.  Come to find out I am allergic to alcohol too.

In 1976 I found out I was pregnant. It was a low blow. I was a Christian right? Things like that couldn't happen. I was so ashamed to tell my parents that I had my nine year old daughter do it and my parents didn't believe her. I wasn't very big and you really couldn't tell. The father would tell me he loved me when he was drunk. He told me he would marry me when he was drunk but he didn't believe it was his when he was sober. He went to dry out at Valley Hope.

The day he came home he came to my house so drunk he couldn't stand up without leaning on the door frame.  I slammed the door in his face. As far as I was concerned life was over. My doctor told me I was to unstable to go through a pregnancy, I need to abort it right away. I refused. I still wasn't right with God but I knew better than to do that. On November 1, 1976 my youngest daughter was born. She was beautiful and I loved her dearly. Maybe God did still care about me.

Why does life have to be so hard for some people? Are some of us so hard headed we just don't get it? Or are some of just so dense we can't see God working in us?

The saga continues

In February of 1968 my husband had attempted to kill me but my foreman stepped in and saved my life. My foreman took me home and his wife dressed my wounds and cared for me. My husband stayed at our trailer and trashed the place. He left that night and took most of his things with him.

My father came back to NE and brought my brother and his new wife to stay with me so I would be safe. While my father was there, he took us to Wichita to see my grandmother. While we were there my husband called and told my if I wasn't home in two hours he was going to kill himself. That really freaked me out. I called his supervisor and told him what my husband said. He ended up losing his job but they did find him alone with a loaded gun.

When we returned to NE I tried to put my life back together.  My husband became my stalker. In 1968 a husband could legally do anything he wanted where his wife was concerned. There was nothing I could do. He was always following me, peeking in windows, and calling me. I feared for my life. In April when it was apparent that I was indeed pregnant, I got a visit from my foreman's wife. My husband had told her the baby I was carrying was her husband's. She threatened to kill me if I ever came near her husband again. I called my dad and he came and got me.

Living with my parents was hard after having my own home but my pregnancy became very difficult so I had no options.  In my first pregnancy I only gained six pounds. I never really looked pregnant but I was bigger at three months than I was at full term this time.  The doctor told me in July that my date was off and that I could have the baby any day. (I was originally due in November.)

I had three dreams that I was having twins. It was always a boy and a girl and the boy died. I talked to the doctor about the dreams and he told me there was no way. It was just a big boy.   I October they induced me. They were afraid the baby was to big for me to deliver. I gave birth to four and a half pound twins. A boy first and fifteen minutes later a girl. I hemorrhaged and almost died. My son began to immediately lose weight. The doctor told me he had been lodged in the birth canal and had been unable to move so he was constantly moving now to make up for it. I really thought we were going to lose him. It was over a week before they released me and we lived thirty miles from the hospital. It was hard to get in to see them. I would stand at the nursery window and cry. (in those days you couldn't hold them or even touch them) I would cry out to God to save them. My church didn't believe in healing but if God could save me he could save my son, right? my dad would stand there the whole time and complain about my falling apart (he hated it when any one cried) and then he would say over and over ''if I could get my hands on that baby I could get him to eat!"
I never knew how important an ounce could be as my son slowly lost weight. At three pounds and two ounces it didn't look good. God is good and His mercy endures forever and my son slowly began to gain back the weight. When they reached five pound we took them out of the hospital and left to return to NE.

I now had three children two and under and my life looked like it was too much to bear. God had saved my son but what could I do now. I took a long time for me and the babies to gain strength to go on. Slowly I rallied and my parents helped me to go on. I lived with them for two years. I finally found a job and paid off my medical expenses but there was not enough for anything else. My parents helped me as much as they could but finally after two years I moved into my grandmothers little house. (She had recently died) Her house was in Berwyn, a tiny little village of less that a hundred people. I loved having my own home. I got to fix it up some. God was indeed good. I started a new chapter.

How about you, do you need to start over? Do you believe God can heal?  Do you believe He even cares?
God always makes a way even if there seems to be no way?

My Saga

I will continue my story. I'm not sure if anyone even reads these posts but if this helps one person it is worth the pain of reliving my past.

I graduated high school in 1964, I graduated beauty school in March of 1965, and I got married in June of 1965. The day after my wedding my parents moved to Minot North Dakota. We had no money so there was no honeymoon. We went to McDonald's in Omaha with another couple. That night my husband raped me with his friends in the next room. I didn't know what to do. He said he was tired of playing my wait for marriage games. There was no glorious coming together as in the books. I had almost been raped twice before so I had a great deal of fear to deal with. It took weeks for me to recover physically. In my eyes it was God punishing me for my disobedience to Him.

I had not known love in my home (or at least I didn't think I had) but I had never known violence either. Violence was something I didn't understand but it became a way of life. My husband was very jealous and demanding. When we married we lived in a tiny apartment in downtown Lincoln. I worked at Miller and Paine. I soon became pregnant and had some problems so I was unable to work. My husband got orders for Vietnam but because I was pregnant they canceled his orders. In October I lost the baby and my husband went back on this list to be deployed. Because of his extreme jealousy I was forced to move back home with my parents. In January I learned I was pregnant again bringing a whole new fear into my already fear filled life.

I had grown to love my husband. I know that is hard to understand. It wasn't the normal love of a woman for her husband. it was perverted I know but he had taken away all my friends and family so I had to rely solely on him. My time away form him was full of horror. At first he would write to me often but later there would be months when I wouldn't hear from him. I would picture him lying in some jungle. It was terrifying.

I gave birth to a beautiful little girl in September. My husband was thrilled. He returned to the States in the spring of 1967. We moved back to Nebraska. He couldn't hold down a job, it was everyone else's fault. The more frustrated he got the worse things were at home. I got a job in Grand Island at the ordinance plant making bombs. I was on the road three hours a day so we decided to move closer. My husband got a job as a security guard at the plant.  There was sabotage going on so now my husband lost it.

One night we had gone to a party from work. He had brought my foreman home with him so they could drink more. (did I mention he had a drinking and drug problem?) My husband decided I was showing to much attention to my foreman. He carried me to the back bedroom and threw me on the bed. He screamed at me that he was through putting up with my chasing men and that he was going to kill me.  Then he proceeded to try to do that.

I didn't know what to do so I called out to God to save me. Almost immediately my foreman pulled him off of me and knocked him out. He helped me to his car and took me home. His wife helped clean me up. God had saved my life and the life of my unborn child. I would be forever grateful for that but I didn't know that I could be forgiven of my disobedience or that He loved me.

My father brought my brother and his new wife to live with me so that I would be safe. I tried to go on but I lived in a world of total fear.

How about you? Do you know that God loves you and wants to forgive you of your sins and your disobedience? He wants to be a part of your life. He has a plan for you. There is life after abuse, hurt, and pain. Have you asked Him into your life? Have you called on His name?

Choices

My last post I told you a small part of my testimony and how God had told me to write but today I want to tell you a little more of my story.

I am the oldest of four children. My father was in the Air Force and we traveled around.  My father had two sisters and grew up in the depression. Both of his parents work for the railroad, they were cooks in the diner car. They left their kids alone to raise themselves. The girls ran into some pretty rough times and my father ended up with very little use for women. His mother was a cold hard German and had little use for any of them. My dad would have told you the Boy Scouts saved his life. He met my mother in high school but then moved away. He later wrote to my mother from Italy during the war and when he returned they were married immediately after his return.

I grew up feeling that I was worth nothing and would never amount to anything. I was after all just a girl. What could you expect? My father taught my brothers everything. He had no time for me. My oldest brother could do anything, he was athletic, he sang, he was in school plays, he made good grades, and he was an artist. My second brother and I struggled to please my father but it all came to naught.

I struggled for years and finally just became rebellious. I dated men in the Air Force because he hated that. I would sit down the street and wait for him to go out looking for me, then come home. We didn't have a very good relationship. My mother worked night so I was stuck with my baby brother. (he was ten years younger) So mom wasn't there for me.

We moved between my junior and senior year. It devastated me. I went from a class D school in Missouri to a college prep in Lincoln. It was not pretty. I had felt like I was suppose to be a nurse but because of the move there was no way to do that unless I went to summer school the full summer. I choose to go to beauty school instead. A bad choice.

I loved beauty school and did very well but I started hanging around with a group of girls that spent every minute of free time with the airmen from the air base. My father was stationed to Minot ND but because it was my brothers senior year my mom stayed in Lincoln until he graduated. I fell in love with an airman and was in heaven. He was deployed to Spain for several weeks and when he returned he told me we were to serious and broke up with me. With a broken heart I went to a dance with my friends and I met a friend of my ex-boyfriend. He went after me with everything he could think of. We were married in five months. I can't tell you exactly how it happened. He never proposed, I was just engaged.

On my wedding day I stood in front of the mirror in the dressing room of the church. I heard an audible voice saying "You can't marry this man!" I looked behind me but I knew it was the voice of God. I told my mom that I couldn't marry this man but she told me I just had cold feet. She went after my dad and he threw a fit. All our friends and family were sitting in the church. I was getting married if he had to drag me down the aisle. I didn't know what to do.

At my wedding reception my bridegroom was outside riding skate boards with my youngest brother. Do you think I made the wrong choice? I didn't think I had a choice but God showed me I had that choice and I blew it. That one choice destroyed my life. My husband was controlling and abusive and I lived a life of hell on earth until he finally tried to kill me. God saved me but I payed a horrendous price.

We all have choices but we need to seek God's will in our life.  I still pay the price of that one choice everyday. It took me years to understand that God does forgive us of those wrong choices. He has a plan for each of us. Don't take your life in your own hands but seek ye first the kingdom of God.  He loves you and wants to be a part of your future. He wants a relationship with you.

Do you know the Almighty God? Do you spend time with Him? Do you wake up in the morning and say 'Oh God it's morning' or do you wake up say 'Good morning God?'